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Oct 14, 2018

I'm In Love With You - Although We Are Not Meant To Be

I’m pretty sure you will never forget the time that I informed you how I was always going to love you. How that despite all of the changes that have happened and all of the people who have been in and out of our lives, I will always love you.
I am aware that you won’t forget something like that because it isn’t something you just forget easily. You don’t just push this type of confession off to the side after someone makes it to you.
When I said it way back then I meant it, and when I say it now I still mean it. You matter more than anything. You will always have a huge place in my heart and soul and nothing can change that.
When I told you how much I loved you I also mentioned the impact you have had on my life. Things are different because of you. I know some of the things I talked about may have been hard to process. I know that you tried your best to understand exactly where my feelings were coming from.
But I am pretty sure that you didn’t completely get it. That isn’t your fault. My message was so deep, so powerful, that you probably couldn’t grasp the depth of it.

Maybe it is because I never told you those three little words. But now I am.

I love you.

It is important that you know that I didn’t leave because I thought that you weren’t worth a chance. I didn’t change my mind about how much I believe you are worth. I never stopped loving you. I don’t think I could ever stop loving you if I am honest.
I had to walk away because that is what had to happen. I knew you needed me to be the one to actually take those first steps. It was the only way you were going to get the freedom you had to have.
I had to leave because I would have probably loved you too much. You would have felt suffocated by my love. I was afraid I was becoming too overbearing. I would have been so afraid to lose you that I would have begun to isolate you from other people.
I didn’t want that to happen. I can’t force you to love me in the same way that I love you. I knew that there was no possible way for you to feel the same about me. I did wish that you could love me with the same intensity that I loved you. But I also knew that it wasn’t a possibility. That is why I decided to leave.

I couldn’t bear the thought of treating you in any way that could hurt you.

You would never have felt like yourself if I had been able to force you to love me the way that I needed. I wanted you to stay the same person that I fell in love with; the person who I am still very much in love with.
This is true love. I love you enough to let you go because I know that I can never be the person that I should be when I am with you. I am willing to be hurt to let you go on your way. While I wish you could be with me forever in my embrace, I know that it is important to let you go to live your own life. It is the only thing that will make you truly happy.

I may feel pain for the rest of my life over this decision, but I also know that it is truly the right one. You’re worth it.

Yes, it is very painful. But you are worth more to me than anything, and it has to be done this way.

Yes, I do believe that this is the true, real meaning of the word love. You don’t always get to be with the person you want to be with. Things do not always work out the way you would hope they would.
I would have never felt right about forcing you to love me the way I need it. I am stuck in a paradox of the love I have for you and the fact that it is also keeping me from being with you. Yes, it sounds crazy. But I know in my heart that this is the way it has to be.
I have to learn to live with my decision and hope for the best in the end.

I have to work on being and staying strong. There is no way that I can turn back. Yes, I love you. That will never, ever change.

It also means that we will probably never get back together, and that is okay.

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