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Oct 1, 2018

Couples Who Fight A Lot Are Actually More In Love, According To Psychiatrists

Do you argue a lot with your partner and start losing faith in your relationship? Don’t, because new studies show that arguing strengthens the bond between you and your lover.
If you argue, it means you know your lover well enough and are brave to voice your opinions. It shows the understanding between you two.
Psychologists have carried out tests and have concluded that couples which argue, have a stronger relationship than others.

Relationships usually begin with hearts and butterflies.

Everything is fine and dandy. You agree with each other and you compromise. But, as the relationship moves past the “honeymoon stage,” you start to show opinions, differences, and your individual personalities. It is then that you experience a fluctuation in the harmony of the union. A relationship gets tested. If you can have healthy arguments, you can truly learn from one another.

Arguing is a major form of communication.

It shows individualism, different perspectives and the ability to teach each other. Arguments aren’t necessarily an indicator that there are problems in a relationship. Psychiatrist explains that arguing well requires skills that take time to build. Here are five of his suggestions:
* Don’t insist on being right
* Speak up as soon as you feel anger rising
* Listen
* Stick to the topic at hand
* Don’t say something you will regret

Why Couple Who Argue Love Each Other More

#1 – Arguing means each person is comfortable.

When couples nervously step around each other’s toes, it’s not a sign of love. It’s a sign of fear. It’s a sign that nobody wants to rock the boat because they’re afraid the other person is going to change their mind about the relationship.
The opening shots of a couple’s first real argument are a sign that each person knows they can voice their view without the relationship coming to a dramatic end.
Yeah, things might get ugly and heated. But by that point, the couple knows how much they love each other and aren’t going to let a few choice words ruin things.

#2 – Good arguing is a sign that a couple actually wants to solve issues.

According to Dr. John Gottman, there are many types of couples.
There are the conflict avoiders and the validating couples, who try (and fail) to maintain absolute neutrality.
But then there are the volatile and hostile couples.
Their arguments are intensely emotional – but for good reason. Each person is aware that things aren’t exactly where they’d like them to be. But they’re not ready to throw in the towel. No, they love their partner too much for that.
Rather, they’ll push for changes – even if it means huge, emotionally draining arguments.

#3 – Couples who argue tend to be more passionate.

Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as ‘arousal transfer.’ Simply put, when a person is excited by one stimulus, they are much more easily excited by another.
What’s that look like in layman’s terms? Well, in a relationship filled with deep, arousing passion (one stimulus), it can only be expected that little annoyances (the other stimulus) will produce an equally intense response.
On the other end of that intense negative response lies even more intense passion.
Arousal transfer. It’s a wonderful thing.

#4 – Couples who argue learn more about each other.

In the absence of conflict, people tend to become ‘flat characters.’ They have no three-dimensionality, no real personality.
But then a fight rolls along and each person in a relationship realizes that hey, there’s some real depth to this person who sleeps beside me. They have flaws that become apparent in the face of conflict.
And, as with any convincing television character, those flaws – as long as they don’t involve hiding a crystal meth empire or anything – are like magnets. They increase attraction on a deep level.

#5 – Arguing, just like love, is visceral.

Yeah, there’s probably a bit of intelligence behind it. But it’s mostly intense emotion.
Couples who never argue likely haven’t reached that stage of deep, visceral love. They’re drawn in by good conversation and practical things like appearance.
But as the love grows, so does the emotion. Things become less logical and more intuitive.
Arguing is a sign that a couple has entered a very raw, deep place – a place where love and anger can exist simultaneously.
Mutual respect, love, compromise, compassion and trust are important factors of a healthy relationship. Like everything in life, it’s about moderation. You never want to insult or disrespect a loved one. You can state your point in a manner that both parties can hear. When you are authentic in a relationship you can always share what you believe in. It’s all in how you present any discussion.
“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.” ~ Steve Hall

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