12 Things Parents Should Never Do For Their Children
12 Things parents should not do for their kids
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A kid isn’t a robot that can be made to
eat, walk, talk, and behave with a remote. But all the same, parents in
their enthusiasm and zeal for doing the right thing and being a good
parent end up trying to control their kids a bit too much making several
parenting mistakes that may have been considered right in earlier days.
Without knowing, you could be hurting your child or breaking his
confidence or even making him feel insecure. There are many parents
whose behavior could also create a sense of mistrust and insecurity in
children. Here are 11 things that parents shouldn’t do for kids.
1 Speaking for your kids
When you talk for your kids, it limits
their ability to think spontaneously and come up with answers relevant
to the questions asked of them. Moreover if children aren’t allowed to
speak for themselves, they end up copying your personality, behavior,
and style of communication using your exact same response and words.
Children need to think and speak for themselves to help them develop
their own personalities and character. It’s ok to drop hints now and
then when they may fumble for words but always speaking for them is a
big No NO.
2You don’t need to be friends with them
There are several parents who think that
to get along with a child you need to be friends to gain their trust.
This is a huge mistake because what you don’t know is this! In spite of
times when you feel your child isn’t listening to you or not
communicating much, it doesn’t mean you are a nonexistent entity in
their lives. A parent is a child’s biggest pillar of security and you as
a parent are usual the first person a child learns to trust.
Parents need to be parents and they are
there to protect kids. If you constantly worry about whether your kid
likes you or not, then perhaps you are confused in your roles. Kids
receive their security from a figure of authority which is you. The same
emotional feelings cannot be given by a friend. Moreover, once you
become a friend. How on earth will you discipline your child when the
need arises? They won’t take you seriously.
3Wants vs. Needs
This is a problematic issue where many
parents make a classic mistake. When a child wants something, many
parents will not oblige saying that the child doesn’t need it. This
again confuses the child which has just got the message that their needs
and desires aren’t important and necessary to have.
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The better approach
A better idea or approach would be to
explain to children what they really need and what they don’t. When a
child asks you for something, before refusing flatly, find out whether
it is a necessity which it most probably may turn out to be. There is no
harm in occasionally buying a product that may have caught your child’s
eye if it isn’t too expensive.
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4Assisting your kids in every little thing
There are many parents who can’t stop
taking over their children’s school projects or even their homework.
This prevents a child from absorbing intelligence and also understanding
the repercussions or results good or bad of any given situation. By
doing so you have prevented your child from assessing negative
situations and valuing positive results from work well done. Your child
learns nothing.
Three-year-olds in fact, can even put on
their own shoes, take out their clothes and wear them, but what some
parents end up doing is dressing the child until they are to be
married.
5Influencing and telling them what to like
This is more or less an extension of
point 1 where many parents force their children into liking the things
according to their set of beliefs and likes. You want your kid to grow
up to be a unique individual and not a clone of yourself. Instead of
telling your kids what to like, you should ask them. Not doing so can
confuse kids making them grow up with a conflict of opinions and
indecisive adults.
6Telling them to spend money your way
Stop telling your kids how to spend
their money. Now this, of course, is an assumption that you aren’t a
millionaire a spoiling your kids with huge sums of money to buy lavish
stuff which of course is bad. By giving child pocket money it doesn’t
mean you have to make him abide by rules in spending it, although of
course, you should make him aware n the horrors of drugs etc.
A child will grow into an adult one day
and as long as you give him limited sums of pocket money, it won’t do
any harm in allowing them to spend it in a way they see fit because once
they do start earning money as adults, they will eventually value it.
By preventing them from spending their
money, a child then begins to question priorities and if there isn’t any
positive responses or rewards, then they will wonder the point of
saving at all. Allow a kid to save or spend their money as he sees fit. A
little bit of responsibility and leeway may result in positive
behavior. What you could do of course is buy him a piggy bank, educate
them on the way to save money and let him take the decision after that.
7Choose their hobbies
This is one classic mistake that many
parents make and that is to impose their own likes, sports and hobbies
down their children’s throats just because the liked it. If you love
fishing, it doesn’t mean you kid will. Allow your kids to choose the
hobbies, organizations and sports they want to take part n. of course if
you want him to get interested in your sport or hobbies, then speaking
about it to see if your child takes interest is a start. Moreover, it is
always advisable to encourage your child‘s choice of hobby and sport
too.
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8Take credit for their success
This mistake by parents goes on a lot.
It is also every visible concerning performance like examinations or
recitals, dancing classes etc. when a child doesn’t do as well as
expected in class, there isn’t much encouragement or motivation to do
better, but when a child excels in something, it is always the parent
beaming and boasting as if they have achieved the feat. It is your
child’s success and his moment. Give him that and his credit due to him.
If you need to boast, boast about him not about how you influenced or
helped him achieve this.
Don’t take away your child’s
achievements and successes. Give credit where credit is due because your
child needs to learn the value of recognition for hard work.
Like spending money, there are several
parents with the bad habit of instructing relatives and frie4nds what t
get their children for birthdays and festive occasions. Why do that??
Either let the kid choose if he is asked or allow the surprise but stop
trying to control everything.
10Interfere in their personal lives
This applies a lot to teenagers who
dislike parents poking their nose into their personal lives. Given the
fact that you don’t want your child to get hurt and make mistakes but
unless they don’t make mistakes, how do they learn? Prying into your
teenager's affairs like a breakup of a relationship may make the kid
less likely to talk to you. It just makes you look like a nasty parent.
But!! If you act wisely, your kid will see you as a source of comfort
and may even open up to you, that’s the time to do the talking and
advising in a constructive way but without blaming the child for the
mistake. You could use the opportunity to provide information and speak
form your own experiences.
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11Telling your kids what to wear
Choosing your kid's clothes is a big
No-No because then you will be faced with an all-out rebellion. Kids
today are well informed about fashion trends and unless your kid isn’t
someone who dresses bizarrely, allow them to have the benefit of
choosing their clothes as an expression of their personality and style.
12Scolding a child in public
Among things parents shouldn’t do, this
is perhaps the worst offense any parent can make consciously or
subconsciously. The fact is that many parents think nothing of chiding
or rebuking kids in public thinking that it’s a kid and you are the
parent. Please understand that you are in public and children from the
age of reason to grown-up kids all have a sense of dignity and can be
totally offended when scolded and rebuked in public.
You can never be a perfect parent and
the biggest contradiction of parenting is that mistakes are often made
out of a parents love for children. The art of parenting is to practice
patience and never see everything from your perspective or when you were
a kid. Practice fairness and firmness when the time is right. Be a
pillar of support to your child just like a stationary pillar which
never asks to be grabbed but yet people come and grab it anyways when
needed. In the same way, your child will reach out to you too because
even though they may not communicate with you, they do love you and see
you as the most trusted figure of security in their lives.
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