According to sources, Xavier is really Pakalu Papito who allegedly works at an IT firm in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He is of Indian origin and from what we hear a man with a love for good food and wicked sharp humor. Join us on a delightful journey through ‘Xavier’s’ comical conquests across the web!
The Life of a Gentleman
In this day and age, many people wonder- where did the chivalry go?
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This user obviously shares this general wondering, hoping to find that special someone who will treat her like a lady. But Xavier doesn’t deal with abstract ideas, he is a man of practical answers.
The Spelling Police
Planning on posting something without doing a spell-check beforehand? Xavier cannot abide!
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This user wanted some indulgence ideas from their online friends, and Xavier proved that he’s the ultimate friend but offering them not what they want but what they truly need.
A Bug’s Life
Who knew Xavier was so into biology? Our witty friend clearly isn’t satisfied with the partial information offered in this post, and he’s looking for the full and complete answer. Clearly, his curiosity knows no bounds.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
A Parent Trap
There are a few things that are as scary for a teenager as making a complete mess out of the house and having your parents find out.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This user challenged the internet to give them the best solution to this very sticky situation, and low and behold, Xavier swooped in with a truly perfect solution.
Just Hear Him Out
Ah, the magic of puberty, this wonderful time that turns us from ugly ducklings into beautiful swans (with some awkwardness thrown in for good measure).
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This young gentleman wanted to flaunt his good looks for the world to see, but Detective Xavier knows better than to trust social media and its many deceptions.
Safety First
We all want to perform grand gestures in the name of love. Who hasn’t felt the need to serenade their loved ones, surprise them with a trip abroad, or arrange the perfect romantic picture?
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This post, challenging people to live in the moment and not worry about the petty things- like falling on the train tracks, hasn’t gone past Xavier’s superior intellect.
Bamboozeled
Xavier is a master prankster, apparentely. Just look at how this mastermid made his gilrfried falle in love with him all over again without even noticining!
Source: Xavier / Facebook
She was so enthralled with this ‘new guy’ that she didn’t even realize that it was Xavier, it was him all along.
Rude Awakening
Xavier is not the type to shy away from a good joke it seems.This tired user posted a picture of themselves supposebly mid-nap. What they failed to realize was the fact that their hand’s shadow was clearly visible in the photo.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Leave it to Xaveir, however, to spice up the situation and add some waterfowl into the mix.
Ridiculous Pocket for a Ridiculous Paycheck
There are some objects that we’ll never know to the true purpose of, and very close to the top of this list would be the useless, miniature pockets sown into our jeans.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
But it is usless though? Because it looks like Xavier may have found the pocket’s meaning.
Pay Up
Xavier is here not only to entertain, but apparentely he’s also here to teach us some closly-guarded secrets. Who knew we had to keep tabs on how long our relationship trial period
Source: Xavier / Facebook
lasts?! Now we’re sure to mark that calendar so we can cancel our subscription in time.
The Master Becomes the Student
It seems like whenever a complicated problem arises, Xavier will be right there to offer us the simplest, most obvious solution, making our lives so much easier in the process.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
It looks like Xavier is an advocate for the ‘What better advice to follow than your own’ way of life.
Read it Again
This is why punctuation matters people! Our Xavier seems to have gotten into an amusing miscommunication, and we’re here for it.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Don’t forget the comma next time, Xavier.
Can’t Snap the Rap God
Sometimes you have to know when to pick your battle, and if this post- and Xavier- are to be believed, Anthony Mackie sure does know how to pick them.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Leaving a promising rapping career is never easy, but Xavier accurately obsereved that Mackie had a better chance at beating and intergalactic purpule villain than matching Eminem’s rapping skills.
Old Faithful
Some people have been trying to convince us for yeats that it’s okay for men to cheat because, you know, boys will be boys.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
But Xavier is having none of that! In a brilliant move he makes sure that we know exactly which women hold the heart of every man!
Always Signle Never Mingle
Any singles in the audience? Looks like we got a hot bachelor on our hands!
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Looks like hi reaction to a rather innocent toilet sign is heavily hinting that maybe it’s time for Xavier to settle down.
It Takes Skill
Again we have Xavier noticing the truly important details in this so-called romantic picture. Because really, what does true love even mean if you can’t hone enough skill to help your loved one close their jacket!?
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Xavier is here to help us face the real issues in life.
Double Trouble
Some people don’t have any redeeming qualities in the eyes of the ones they’re trying to date, and it looks like Xavier is one of those people.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Because apparently if you can’t get a hold of a nice car, what is it that you have to offer?
Well, we’d like to point at Xavier’s immaculate humor. Car or no car, he’s a catch.
Cool as a Cucumber
Even in the face of rejection, Xavier never loses his cool.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Oh, we’re sorry, it wasn’t a rejection, the lady on the other side probably just didn’t realize the rules of the game. Good thing Xavier was there to sort things out.
Anatomy Lesson
Why does the father is known as the head of the family? Well, if we ask Xavier the answer is pretty simple: it’s because he is the easiest to manipulate.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Who really is the one pulling the strings, putting in the work, and making things happen? Why it’s mom of course, or rather, the neck!
A Lesson in Self-Importance
While this user was out there creating memes about what girls might be thinking of him, Xavier was at the same time sharpening his tongue.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
We think he isn’t the only one who needed this reminder. No one is actually putting that much thought into you like you are about yourself. Or what you’re wearing for that matter.
There’s No Place Like Home
Seems as though Xavier’s loneliness knows no bounds, and now, believe it or not, he’s also homeless!
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Well not actually homeless, more like emotionally homeless, at least if this post is to be believed. We’re all rooting for you Xavier. Don’t they say that love has no bounds?
Substance Over Style
Mark Zuckerberg might not be such an underdog, but when Xavier sees injustice he will always call it out.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Someone decided to make a comment about Zucky and his wife’s casual, daily clothes, and Xavier came to the rescue with more of that sweet, sweet common sense.
Nothing But Facts
Everyone is bound to be wrong at least once in their life right? Well, not if you ask Xavier! But to be fair, after releasing such a bold statement the only thing you can really do is hold your ground.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Otherwise, no one will ever take you seriously again, and that’s something brave Xavier can’t afford. Also, he’s literally always right.
Rush Him to the Burn Unit
Some people just need to double-check the photos that they upload, and last the summon the wrath of Xavier. A rather amusing post about three suspicious-looking flies turned into a direct appointment to the nearest dermatologist’s office.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
We recommend investing in a good bottle of Aloe gel for those Xavier burns.
A Man of Science
Another case of Xavier answering the REAL questions. While this user contemplated why the universe decreed that lawyers must always be hot, Xavier saw the educational opportunity and came in with the explanation she needed.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
No answer as to why lawyers are handsome though, that shall remain a mystery, unless Xavier has some insights about that as well. We are tuning in eagerly to find out.
Problem Solved
Finally, someone’s been doing their job right! It looks like this self-help book did exactly what it was supposed to do, and don’t think that Xavier doesn’t know when to share praise when one is deserving!
Source: Xavier / Facebook
These are precious words coming from that man’s keyboard. Cherish them
Awkward!
Meeting your partner’s parents is never easy, but texting them is a whole other level of weirdness.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
And it looks like Xavier may not be that boyfriend that you’d want to introduce to your folks, seeing as he’s willing to share some extreme details to make a point. Oh Xavier, what will we do with you?
Growing Strong at Grandma’s
This user probably wanted to complement his Nana’s cooking, or her nourishing love and affection.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
But you’ll have to agree that the images he chose show less heart and more pecs. Xavier certainly thinks so and I think most would agree.
Putting Your Eggs All in One Basket…Fridge
Sometimes Xavier gives us the most wonderful conclusions, some things we might never have considered. This user, for example, wanted to amuse themselves with an image of what a protein-obsessed gym bro’s fridge might look like,
Source: Xavier / Facebook
and then Xavier added the twist that absolutely no one saw coming. We wonder if there are free-range gym gut eggs.
Smooth Operator
With all of Xavier’s complaints about single life, you’d think he would put some more effort into finding a partner, or at least hold a decent conversation with one! Alas, Xavier failed to make this girl feel as special as she is.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Maybe next time don’t reveal your game this early Xavier, keep the illusion going for at least a little while.
Mister Know-it-All
Whenever some uneducated goofball, who thinks they hold the solution to every problem under the sun, appears on the internet to ‘share their wisdom’ Xavier is never far behind.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
This time, a self-proclaimed engineer thought they had the best idea regarding road construction. Thank heavens Xavier was there to let them know exactly what their logic amounts to.
A Change in Perspective
Xavier is not one to give up easily, especially when it comes to his special someone. Even in the face of fierce competition, Xavier finds a way to make it all about him. We’ll let you decide whether that is a good thing or a bad thing.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
In the meantime, we can all share a chuckle over his classic switch-a-roo.
Not a Shoulder to Cry On
Some believe that social media is the place where you can share every and all of the things happening in your life, good or bad. But not only does Xavier seem to disagree with this notion, but he also disagrees with what constitutes good news and bad news.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
While this lady might think that her new relationship is a blessing to be shared, Xavier can’t be bothered with all this drama.
Persistence is Key
What makes a good comedian great? The dedication to the joke. And while we’ve already said that Xavier doesn’t give up easily, we failed to mention how far he’ll go for the perfect comeback.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Sometimes taking something literally is the best answer you can come up with, even in the face of rejection. We do recommend respecting people’s wishes though.
Special Skills
Is it really a surprise that the undisputed king of the internet would have some impressive digital skills in his arsenal? Because if this post is to be believed, Xavier might be able to bend the
Source: Xavier / Facebook
space-time continuum when he’s online. Next time maybe he’ll teach us the ways of time travel.
Hints are For the Weak
When Xavier wants something, he goes after it without hesitation and without playing games, just like we see in the post below. Do you have a romantic theory? Xavier will be right there to prove you right.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
We’re only hoping that this straightforward approach will prove successful for you Xavier.
Down to Earth
This user is definitely aiming high in his pursuit of happiness if this image is to be believed. But what about us common folks who can’t afford thousands of dollars worth of technology? Well, Xavier, of course, holds the answer to this question.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Do you want happiness? You won’t find it in the electronics store, mostly because you can’t afford it.
Oh Snap!
No one battles with Xavier and goes away unscathed! This lady thought she could challenge the internet’s sharpest tongue, and she had another thing coming for her.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
While we don’t condone calling other people cows, we can’t say that this wasn’t at least somewhat amusing. Okay, it was very amusing. Maybe even hilarious
Children are Our Future
Who said Xavier can’t be helpful? Well, no one, but we cannot ignore his brilliance here. The user thought they had only two options in life, and here come Xavier to save the day and
Source: Xavier / Facebook
reassure them that even if they think they’ve exhausted all their option- there is still hope. What would the future child have to say about this? That is none of Xavier’s concern.
No Secret is Safe
Xavier is not known for his gentlemanly behavior, but he is known for his detective instincts. Just look at how quickly he was able to draw this very confidential information out of the lady on the
Source: Xavier / Facebook
other side of the chat. We’re waiting to see what might be his way to find out a man’s salary.
Unbreakable
Finally, it looks like Xavier found what he was searching for all this time. After what looked like endless rejections and romantic mishaps, the internet gave him a heart that couldn’t be broken.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
No really have you ever seen a broken Nokia? We rest our case.
Fast Thinker
There is no situation stickier than finding out your darling has another darling, maybe only having to face them, even digitally. Just the thought of it makes us cringe in our seats.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Sadly for Xavier, he had to come up with a good save real fast, and whether he delivered or not is up to you to decide.
Words of Wisdom
If you are looking for words to live by, you can always count on Xavier to provide them. With a phrase that sounds like it came out of a wise hermit’s mouth.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
We think Xavier has cracked the recipe to success. Just some words of warning here, make sure you check the quality of the fisherman before taking advice about the fish.
Didn’t have a Xavier response
We aren’t sure if time has stopped or if we need to get our eyes checked but whatever Japan is doing we need to hop on their train, they are more efficient in a week than we could ever be. Although we are still a bit to rattled to get on their roads.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
It’s been 24 years and the only thing that’s changed on our end is this girl’s height in front of the same pothole. We get it, Xavier, no need for your ever-so-subtle shaming, although what is life if we can’t poke a little fun amongst friends?
Keep it in the Family
It looks like the thing Xavier hates most of all is other people’s ridiculous questions. No one has time for that. I guess the saying “there is no such thing as a stupid question” wasn’t the complete truth after all.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Even this user’s innocent riddle couldn’t escape Xavier’s sarcastic humor, no one cares how old this man’s sister is, he probably doesn’t either if he doesn’t even know! Xavier, we also don’t know why he asked.
Mama’s Boy
Is there anything sweeter than a boy who cherishes his mother? Even Xavier, the sharp-tongued master prankster understands that this bond is a special one. It looks like our beloved internet persona gave us a rare glimpse into his soft side.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
On the other hand, maybe he should get out more and find a girlfriend sooner rather than later.
Beware the Gold Digger
Not one to be taken advantage of, witty Xavier shows us the best way to handle those who might want us just for our cash (whether or not we want to believe it).
Source: Xavier / Facebook
And of course, the answer is to always take things as literally as humanly possible to avoid falling for this trap. Maybe Xavier is right and that is the solution to everything after all, be literal, not cynical and if you’re Xavier, you’re clever enough to have a bit of both.
Xavier Doesn’t Share Food!
We live in a society that expects certain manners, and by the looks of it, it looks like Xavier is having none of that. For Xavier, giving up a yummy treat to be nice to a friend just isn’t worth it.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
Sharing is caring Xavier, one day you might want that last French fry too. Karama may not be in your favor after this.
Love Me, Love Me Not
We all want to be accepted and loved, especially be those we admire but be careful what you wish for you don’t want the wrong kind of attention. In this case we don’t think Xavier had the right idea.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
To love them and leave them is far from ideal but when it comes to the traffic police we wouldn’t mind leaving them behind in our rearview mirror. Sorry not sorry Xavier.
Minus and Minus Make Plus
Sometimes love doesn’t find a way, but looks like Xavier is willing to give it a map, a flashlight, and maybe even a ride as long as it finds its way to him.
Source: Xavier / Facebook
While it’s not certain if a double rejection actually works (or even if it’s appropriate), it’s hard not to feel for the guy. That being said, Come, Xavier, let the girl be.
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